Snobbery

I'll admit it, I'm a huge fracking snob. Especially about food. Yeah, I'm one of those types. I belong to a CSA, and shop almost exclusively at the farmers' market or the local food co-op. More than half the food in this house is organic, and very little of it is packaged. I see a holistic nutritionist about various ailments. I avoid sugar and caffeine and processed food. Do you hate me yet? Well check this out.

Usually when I'm in the mood for a coffee - (decaf - of course) I go to the local coffee shop that sells locally roasted, fair trade organic coffee. Yeah, it's like 4.00 a cup. But dudes, it's so tasty. For real. Well, here's the thing. Finances, man, finances are tight. So this week when the temps climbed into the 80's and I had the hankering for an iced coffee I found myself at the local drive-thrus of two huge chains. I lived to tell about it. This is my story.

First stop - Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts coffee usually gives me the Hurries. I don't think I need to explain to you what the Hurries are, it's a family term. Here's a hint - at my house the DD motto is "Everyone gets the runs from Dunkin". Anyhow, for some reason, this only applies to hot coffee, I seem to tolerate iced fairly well. It has been a long long time since I bought a coffee from DD, so when I ordered a large I had no idea what I was getting myself into. When the girl at the window passed it through I was embarrassed. Yeah, it's an embarrassing amount of coffee. I just looked it up - it's 24 ozs. Let's put that in perspective - a liter is 33 ounces, so it's only 90zs. or one just under one cup shy of a liter. That's a lot of goddamned coffee. But, whatever, I was going to the local beach. The free one that is a bit ghetto, to meet my friend. A friend who wouldn't judge a sistah for bringing a half gallon of iced coffee to the beach. After I got out of the car, wrestled my daughter, and all of our beach stuff out of the car, large coffee carefully clutched to my chest so I didn't drop it, who should I run into? My holistic nutritionist. The woman I pay quite a bit of money to tell me what to eat so I don't feel like shit. For the record, Dunkin Donuts anything is not on my list of good things to eat. I wanted to yell out Hey! It's not mine! Or, it's ok, it's decaf! But no, I said nothing and guzzled my huge coffee in shame on the other side of the beach. For the record, it took me almost all day to drink it. So I guess that's a good thing? 2.50 and you have enough coffee to last all day.

Next cheap coffee excursion took me to the heart of the beast. That's right - McDonald's. What? What am I doing purchasing something from the local McDonald's? Haven't I read Fast Food Nation? (yes) Didn't I bite into an undercooked quarter pounder at that very same establishment and swear it off forever five years ago (yes). My addiction to iced coffee, decaf or not, is strong. When I need an iced coffee, I need an iced coffee damnit. And besides, McDonald's, though they are part of the evil empire, at least serve Newman's Organic Coffee. Their large is much more reasonably sized and the coffee tastes far far better. That said, you must tell them when you order NO SUGAR! Otherwise they pump your drink so full of that liquid sugar crap that it tastes more like melted coffee icecream than a delicious refreshing beverage of formerly caffeinated goodness. If you tell them you need no sugar AFTER they have put sugar in your drink it is likely the person behind the counter will react in the following way: SSSSSsiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhh. Roll Eyes. Snatch coffee - dump hastily into sink. You can't hold it against them though, they work at fracking McDonald's for christsakes. Dream job it is not. Anyhow the coffee there is 2.39 and it's seriously delicious. Now the trick will be to order just the coffee and nothing else. Actually it's not that tricky. The food there is disgusting.

What is the moral of this story? This long long story? It's this: time and time again my snobbery with TV shows, Movies, Books, and now eating establishments has kept me from numerous nuggets of goodness, that I usually kick myself for after realizing that avoiding them for the sake of being a snob has kept me from something delicious. Even if it is cheap. Don't be a snob kids. You'll miss out on the good stuff.